MY NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE

Dearly beloved Kintriguers (in the manner of speaking very solemnly), I'm about to share with you a matter of grave seriousness. Drop everything else you're doing and listen to how by a tiny fraction, I missed the phenomenon that would have caused me not be able to even start this blog (which would have been a colossal loss,right?). Read with undivided attention.

Green, Green, I heard my phone ring from a distance, seeing as I am almost never within 5 yards of my phone, I dashed to get it with a swiftness worthy of an olympian. Sisi P was calling.

Sisi P; hey
Me; what's up? is the jollof ready?
Sisi P; yeah, I already packed yours.
Me; awww, I'd come get it,  I hope it's worthy of my bike jet flying 
Sisi P; well....   (I spared you the shenanigans, we're not such straightforward people).

You all know everything else has to wait now, the pink store, the entire human race, well and some animals too. Everything that won't take me closer to my goal. So I told Supermom I had to see Sisi P urgently, flew the next available 'jet', slew all obstacles along my path and arrived Sisi P's. I went through a painstaking pleasantry session then caught sight of the jollof guardian and demanded my parcel. After some minutes of the most ladylike munching, well... say it ranked 60% so due to that I chilled in jollofsville for 60minutes and started the journey back to my nation.

The entire convoy and I hailed this 'jet'. We moved at top speed for like 5 minutes till we got to a major traffic point, here's how I should have known the pilot was a murderer;

Pilot; Aunty, hold yourself tight o
Me; what do you mea..... (Pilot starts wedging himself, the vehicle and I in ridiculously small spaces between cars) DON'T SCRATCH MY BODY O!
Pilot; that's why I said hold yourself tight now.

Pilot manages to navigate forward till there was nowhere else to squeeze, then he darts to the sidewalk-only there are no sidewalks so it is an extension of people's stores. Again he starts issuing orders.

Pilot; Aunty, bend your head 
Me; (responds quickly as he is throwing us under a signpost already) DON'T KILL ME PLEASE!!

I notice some passersby watching and laughing, Yes it must have looked hilarious but couldn't they guess I needed an intervention?
Pilot keeps jumping off steps, sliding under signposts in full blown James Bond likeness. By now I have screamed myself hoarse and I kept thinking to myself  'so this is how people die, this is how I wouldn't be able to tell Sisi P I got home safe' until we get to the intersection where there are traffic control agents and he had to pause. Just as I was about to call their attention, they motioned us forward and away HE SPED almost colliding with another car.

I finally drop off at my destination doing a rebirth dance. Couldn't mention a word to Supermom as she constantly preaches against all automobiles that have less than four tyres.

There you have it. One of my noble acts to rescue destitute Jollof. Have you ever had any "Death is nigh" moment? or any encounter with lunatic drivers or cyclist? Share with us.


                                                                                                              Signed,
                                                                                                      Your favorite Superhero,
                                                                                                          Capt. Jollof.
 

  STAY IN TOUCH WITH "LIFE THROUGH MY WINDOW"
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 Life,Love,Laughter and Sarcasm.