MY NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE

Dearly beloved Kintriguers (in the manner of speaking very solemnly), I'm about to share with you a matter of grave seriousness. Drop everything else you're doing and listen to how by a tiny fraction, I missed the phenomenon that would have caused me not be able to even start this blog (which would have been a colossal loss,right?). Read with undivided attention.

Green, Green, I heard my phone ring from a distance, seeing as I am almost never within 5 yards of my phone, I dashed to get it with a swiftness worthy of an olympian. Sisi P was calling.

Sisi P; hey
Me; what's up? is the jollof ready?
Sisi P; yeah, I already packed yours.
Me; awww, I'd come get it,  I hope it's worthy of my bike jet flying 
Sisi P; well....   (I spared you the shenanigans, we're not such straightforward people).

You all know everything else has to wait now, the pink store, the entire human race, well and some animals too. Everything that won't take me closer to my goal. So I told Supermom I had to see Sisi P urgently, flew the next available 'jet', slew all obstacles along my path and arrived Sisi P's. I went through a painstaking pleasantry session then caught sight of the jollof guardian and demanded my parcel. After some minutes of the most ladylike munching, well... say it ranked 60% so due to that I chilled in jollofsville for 60minutes and started the journey back to my nation.

The entire convoy and I hailed this 'jet'. We moved at top speed for like 5 minutes till we got to a major traffic point, here's how I should have known the pilot was a murderer;

Pilot; Aunty, hold yourself tight o
Me; what do you mea..... (Pilot starts wedging himself, the vehicle and I in ridiculously small spaces between cars) DON'T SCRATCH MY BODY O!
Pilot; that's why I said hold yourself tight now.

Pilot manages to navigate forward till there was nowhere else to squeeze, then he darts to the sidewalk-only there are no sidewalks so it is an extension of people's stores. Again he starts issuing orders.

Pilot; Aunty, bend your head 
Me; (responds quickly as he is throwing us under a signpost already) DON'T KILL ME PLEASE!!

I notice some passersby watching and laughing, Yes it must have looked hilarious but couldn't they guess I needed an intervention?
Pilot keeps jumping off steps, sliding under signposts in full blown James Bond likeness. By now I have screamed myself hoarse and I kept thinking to myself  'so this is how people die, this is how I wouldn't be able to tell Sisi P I got home safe' until we get to the intersection where there are traffic control agents and he had to pause. Just as I was about to call their attention, they motioned us forward and away HE SPED almost colliding with another car.

I finally drop off at my destination doing a rebirth dance. Couldn't mention a word to Supermom as she constantly preaches against all automobiles that have less than four tyres.

There you have it. One of my noble acts to rescue destitute Jollof. Have you ever had any "Death is nigh" moment? or any encounter with lunatic drivers or cyclist? Share with us.


                                                                                                              Signed,
                                                                                                      Your favorite Superhero,
                                                                                                          Capt. Jollof.
 

  STAY IN TOUCH WITH "LIFE THROUGH MY WINDOW"
connect with me on instagram @the_oluwabukunmi.. I'm about that gram life
 Life,Love,Laughter and Sarcasm.

SYMBOLE DE MON AMOUR

Heyyy guys! I decided to look for our special moniker, like dooney’s kitchen calls her followers ‘tribers’ e.t.c. and I came up with *drumrolllllllll* KINTRIGUERS!!!  LOL!! I hope you like it, I hope it doesn’t sound like some animal from the north pole. Feedbacks in the comment section please. So let’s get a feel of it.

Hiiii kintriguers, I have to absolutely tell you about this great ability of mine but you cannot quote me anywhere though, so you’re going to read this and 5 minutes later totally delete it from your memory and pretend like this paragraph doesn’t exist anywhere. I have this great stalking internet surfing ability, the CIA really needs me, no kidding. So I have a lot of loved up guys I stalk check on social media and some of em end up being a huge disappointment but they can’t shake my love stalking spirits though. 

Moving on, what gets you hung on a guy or girl? Like what is that special thing that gets you from 0 to 100 immediately, that one thing that is expedient for a person to have before he or she can be your love interest.

I talked to some of my guys and the conversation went thus; 

Me;  what’s the one thing that gets you hung on someone? 
Sisi P; I think beyond all things he has to be able to make me laugh, because when it boils down to it, I’d choose some I can laugh with over all else. 
Me; I’d buy you a seat on a Kevin Hart show when I get on forbes. 
Sisi P; *stares at me derisively* You??! I’ll break into a million pieces……. And we drift off.

Me; If we had like 10 men in a room all good-looking. Ranging heights, complexion, body weights e.tc. what candy who will you pick and why? 
Miss J; *looks on dreamily with the biggest grin, then starts whispering* it’s all in the eyes 
Me;JAY!JAY!!Focus
Miss J; *Passionately and animatedly* you know when a man that loves you looks your way, there’s fire in the eyes… 
Me;Ehenn, you’re almost orgasming from this presumed gaze o…. And we cut.

Me; What about a girl hints you if she’s gonna be dateable or not? 
Meka; When she opens her mouth
Me; *puzzled* what about her mouth?
Meka; I mean the things she says, if she matches me intellectually. That gets me all the way, I mean she could be ugly and what not but I’d have fallen hard before I even notice her looks. 
Me; hmmm… insightful.

Me ; You have 10 girls of all shapes and ranging complexions to pick from, who is your go to girl? 
Berto; *smacks lips* the one with the greatest tits, they could be sitting so I wouldn’t see their butts, I’m all about the tits though. 
Me; Yea, how convenient.

So kintriguers (yes, I’m going to say it till it becomes ridiculously annoying), which of these threads do you reckon with or share your thoughts in the comments. I look forward to them *rubs palm in anticipation* Qu’est que symbole de ton amour? Search google, it is my duty to make you disturb your little heads.

 STAY IN TOUCH WITH "LIFE THROUGH MY WINDOW"
connect with me on instagram @the_oluwabukunmi.. I'm about that gram life
 Life,Love,Laughter and Sarcasm.

FROM THE PINK STORE

Hello!! Aloha!!! You guys cannot absolutely believe what I saw this morning from my little window to the world (The pink store). I've been seeing this cute little boy you know, I have always thought him cute the way you think your nephews are cute you know. He looks to be about 13 thereabout, he just trudges up and down the street with his backpack everyday not until today he gave me the shocker of my day *you thought I was going to say my life, NO! more shocking things have happened.*  So he opens his backpack and removes his UNILORIN ID CARD!!! Do not even try to say what's so surprising! do not even try to discredit the shocker of my day!! DON'T!!!  I'm telling you he looked barely 13.

Well, I looked really small when I entered uni too.. 'rephrase' I've always looked pretty young for all the phases in my life. Even now that I'm done with uni, gone on to serve and some people still think I'm awaiting admission *exasperated sigh*. It has its perks though, I can cougar all I want.

My bae - let's call her Sisi P who you're going to be reading a lot about, is really young and looks it but since your size is proportional to your age here, we have had to convince a lot of people her age which normally produces a range of reaction from jaw dropping till saliva runs to vigorous shaking of the head till you're scared for brain damage. Here's a typical convo;

Mr/Miss: so how old are you?
Sisi P: *smiles sheepishly* how old do you think I am?
Mr/Miss: you can evade questions o. okay say 25
Sisi P: *bursts into laughter and exclaims* ahhhh, even my elder brother isn't 25
You get the drift..
So share your experiences due to your size or lack of it...

 STAY IN TOUCH WITH "LIFE THROUGH MY WINDOW"
connect with me on instagram @the_oluwabukunmi.. I'm about that gram life
 Life,Love,Laughter and Sarcasm.